It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
