last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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