Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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