who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
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I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
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this hospital has no fireball
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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