it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
