I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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