If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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