Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
