Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
