So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
