I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
