I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
