i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
