FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Randomize
