I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
