I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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