I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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