Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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