I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
