Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
