I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
