how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
