can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
