I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
