Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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