You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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