oh god the rape fog is back!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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