i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
