Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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