i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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