my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
They should really pass out barf bags in church
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We are all done wearing pants today
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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