i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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