whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
