Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
