Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Damn victory sex feels great
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
