after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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