I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
