in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
