They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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