I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
