A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
