I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
