Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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