So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
