Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
