So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
