cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
