i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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