Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
