I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
