Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
