You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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