According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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