everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
