grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
