peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
