i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
