well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So squirting runs in the family.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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