So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
