yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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