Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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