woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
