Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
