As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
