Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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