You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
