My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
