hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've created a new STD.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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