I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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