I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
