I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
