chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
