She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
