JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
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All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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