I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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