the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
