Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I can't turn off my feet"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
