Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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