She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
