i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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