i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
