he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
