She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
