Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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