Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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