Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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